More than a quarter-century of me....

Got a haircut last week, so my mom can finally exhale....but the funny thing is...one side naturally curls under and the other flips outward...the weird thing is that this little idiosyncrasy makes me contemplate my existence (this and a meme I will eventually get to)....not in the Sartre sense, or even  Descartes  ("My hair contradicts itself therefore I am")...but in the sense of who I really am at the core...a little bit of this and a little bit of that in its simplest form...but really this just manifests my indecisiveness, my two halves. There is super pragmatic and professional 'I can get through anything' Jenn and then there is flaky lives in candyland and dreams of cute robots and kitties Jenn. I am certain that EVERYONE has two sides to them, but I think I am a constant two trying to occupy one life-- and it is hard to forge a path with so much natural anxiety. I have this need to explore and share, yet lately there is a disconnect between my mind and my hands and I haven't been able to release as much as I have wanted to. I have had PLENTY on my mind (AS ALWAYS)--I am rife with epiphanies, creativity, and inspiration, yet I am also frozen in time laying on my couch and wondering what is next? Am I hibernating, procrastinating, or in a cocoon waiting for my chrysalis? Part of me sees this little blog world as a place to share my true self, but naturally that is biased because this is where I like to share goodness and inspiration and all of those things that at the core make me happy to be me. I like my technicolor glasses though sometimes I am scared to let others see me wear them....but fear isn't really the core of all of this...it's uncertainty...it's a parallel to being naked and totally out of shape...some may think wow, how brave and lovely while others may think ew, put some clothes on! What do I think??? Does anyone else out there feel like they JUST DON'T KNOW? 


Now onto that meme. I generally try to do these, but sometimes I wonder how much people really need to know more random stuff about little old me...however, a lot of friends tagged me on facebook and I would kind of feel like I have snubbed them if I don't attempt to share like they have. In an attempt to add something new, I have decided to break down the "25 Things About Me" into life segments...a way to get a disjointed picture of the person I have become...so far....

"More Than a Quarter-Century of Jenn"

The greatest mask ever

The Early Years (Confessions of a paranoid kid)

1. According to my parents I was walking, talking, and potty-trained before turning one...according to me: absurdity!


2. When I was almost five I crashed our family station wagon into a storefront window of a now defunct "Kiss Kiss Kill Kill"--they were able to open a second store with the insurance money and for years I thought I would never get a license because that would be on my record. What is weird is that I completely remember everything until shortly after the crash (including my Dad running down the block in those tight little 80's running shorts..hahaha)


3. I always thought my dolls came to life when I went to sleep and they would have parties without me...I would get so mad and go to check the toy box, only to find that the moment I was there, they were still...


4. I also thought porcelain dolls were evil and refused to have any. My parents gave me one named Jennifer one Christmas, but I kept hiding her outside of my room...one day my Dad told me a story that porcelain dolls that share your name can't kill you...so I kept her in my room for awhile as protection from all of the other dolls that COULD kill me...


5. I used to always believe that I was either in a movie and one day the credits would just roll or that I was still in my mother's womb and that my entire existence was what I imagined life to be, and that one day I would be BORN.

Adolescence (still paranoid)

6. I never had an imaginary friend until I was about 12. One day he came through my window and in my mind he looked like George Carlin as Rufus from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" and his name was Franklin. Bizarre. 


7. I really believe that The Clash changed my life....


8. I read Ginsberg, Whitman, and Thoreau before I was 13. I clearly remember feeling like I was the female incarnate of all of these men...and at that young age believed in the interconnectedness of all people.


9. I was scarred by reading  Night in the 6th grade and clearly remember walking up my hill to my house and hearing church bells and wondering if secretly people knew my Dad's side was Jewish and that Nazis would come and kill us. 


10. At 13 I had pink hair, rode a skateboard, and listened to punk rock....hardcore!

Teen Years (aka turbulence)

Sun shower

11. I got through a lot more than I should have...like going to raves and sleeping in Washington Square park...I remember once laying in the empty fountain with a group of friends shortly after dawn as it started to drizzle and being overjoyed running around in the rain...


12. I am still friends with my first true love...and that is such a great feeling


13. My mom was really paranoid about people having our phone number or calling our house (pre-cellphones!), so I made up little fliers that said: "For a Good Time Call Jenn @....." and threw them all over my high school....


14. I loved collecting random junk and on many occasions carried odd items like traffic cones, toy gas stations, bike wheels etc, on trains and busses home.


15. I was chosen for a prestigious art award when I was a sophomore and was presented with it at the Metropolitan Museum of Art by famed fashion designer Norma Kamali.

College Years (focus focus focus)

Me and my awesome Cristyn at college graduation

16. I bartended at a seedy strip joint with cockroaches the size of mice and drug-addicted dancers. To say the least, I am a better person for this experience. I often looked at the whole time as if I were making a film..or I was part of a sociological experiment...


17. I was the speaker for my department at graduation and won 6 awards for both fiction and non-fiction, overall achievement in English, leadership, and my role as editor of a literary/arts magazine.


18. I often find it strange/sad how many people's addiction to alcohol is what supported me and paid for my college education...


19. I had at least three professors who told me to get off of Staten Island and not to become a teacher....


20. I was an illustrator for  published book of magical items meant to be used for D and D style role-playing games....that has been the only time I have been paid to draw.

The 'Boring/Roaring' Twenties....

21. Sometimes I think I have made it this far as a teacher because I refuse to be a statistic by quitting within the first five years.


22. I spent so many years feeling detached (or wanting to be) from my family, but now I don't know what I would be without them!


23. I continuously battle my addiction to cigarettes...yuck....


24. I spent most of my skinny years thinking I was fat, and now that I am somewhat overweight I am not really that self-conscious...except I fear the double-chin and miss fitting into everything!


25. I am afraid of being too happy...as if it isn't fair...I deeply recognize the suffering of others and wish I could do more in this world....


Facebook friends, you might have seen this already...and anyone else who has read this...cheers!! One day I  may actually scan old photos to visually correspond! Until I add more glimpses of my lifeanthology!