i am depressed and profoundly happy at the same time. i feel content, yet there is this looming sadness in my heart that sometimes manifests in a lump in my throat and a lack of desire to do anything productive. i can't wait until i leave for Israel. it is an unexpressable feeling to know that my entire life is going to change soon. i am ready. i have been yearning for this experience and hoping that this is the necessary step to illuminate my path. i need to see things. i need to experience. i need to allow myself to live outside of the confining world that is Staten Island. perhaps this will give me the confidence to do greater good in this world. it won't seem real until i get my intinerary and can start to dream. before that i get to look foward to one of my great life desires: RADIOHEAD in concert at MSG on June 13!!! I can't help but think this is the beginning of the end...or perhaps this is my true awakening. i want to create. i need to focus and love my journey...oh the places you'll go!!
i just need to get my Master's OVER with!! I can't wait!!! I just want to pursue myself and the art that i will make my life. i want to have children...though i'm not sure about the whole idea of marriage. maybe i will adopt! i think i have the heart for it....i guess right now all there is to do is dream and listen to music...i dunno.........p.s. boys make me sad!!! i have to learn how to prevent that from happening!