i am, i make, i feel, i go, i appreciate

WARNING: Garbled, photo heavy post.

It is now Autumn, and albeit my favorite season, also my least. Autumn marks the start of the school year. The start of my bi-weekly illnesses, stress attacks, self-doubt, hibernation. Autumn means I am a year older, hopefully a year wiser. Autumn is about cultivating, harvesting, planting seeds of thought and blowing wishes to the chill in the air. There is a freshness I call Autumn, because if I were to call it Fall...well, it would happen. 

I have been meaning to post about Bridge the Gap, about updating the art blog, about last years goals and accomplishments and this years goals, about turning 27 and realizing, I am not as young as I think I am. I have been meaning to do so much...but in reality, I am an adult home sick who feels guilty as if I am one of the kids playing hooky. I have more anxiety in me as the professional than I did as a kid. I am an adult who has to be there for her "sick" mother and doesn't remember a time when it was the other way around. I am an adult who wants to play and create and share and give and focus on the lovely things life has to offer. I am an adult who spent Sunday downloading 22 new albums, who spent Saturday learning about chemical dependency, who spent Monday teaching children and then napping on the couch. I am an adult who has seen the dark sides of life, herself, others...and I am better for it. I am an adult who sometimes acts like a child and sometimes takes herself too seriously. The reason I even share is because this is REAL...we don't really get to choose our paths as much as we believe, but we can choose how we decorate that path, the people we invite to join us, the way we walk...with head held high or low, or slightly askew....with a mask on or bare. To making choices and saying, yea, I am an adult...so what....

I made this pretty thing..

 

and I made this mess on my dining room table...    

and I made this thinker...    

and this mess in my studio...

Every year I strive for balance and realize it is there in extremes. 

I am an adult, I have learned to say...who gives a $#&%...