LIFE PATTERNS aka A Weird Post

I have a lot to say today... I am procrastinating...my arm hurts... Whatever...today has been karmically (not a word...who cares) interesting...thus I must share...I am still plagued by nightmares (and although this is supposed to be the 'happy place'--this is my world and I can break the rules)...but this has been most of my life and I just accept it...Angelo tells me I was talking in my sleep, which explains why I was struggling in my dream...I wonder what the connection is...Ange tells me I wake up every morning telling him my arm hurts, I have no recollection of this except for today...I get a flickr message about my cute owl:

domus_sport says:

Are you sure it's not ceramic/clay? It looks very much like this owl

www.tradera.com/Blinckande_uggla_av_Edvard_Li ndahl_-aukti...

by Edvard Lindahl for Gustavsberg. My grandmother has a pair of those, though with both eyes open. 

He is right. My owl simultaneously become more and less special.

I visit Ali  and wonder about the word for 2009 ...I realize I have kind of forgotten 2008's word...I think it was 'hope' (wasn't that  2007 when I got the tattoo) or something...either way, I blog to help me record random things like this...so I start to contemplate my word for the year...some visuals pop into my head, mostly cliches. I start to think about Dexter, and my current issues, and the word "Become" pops into my head, but I realize I cannot become what I am as much as just "Be"--I remember that is the tattoo I wanted to get on my wrist...perhaps that will be the next...

I chat with Adam, he tells me I have an affinity to things with one eye-- (all named by him)

Bones McCloud

Okie (his one-eyed Cat), and Winky (my owl seen above)...I realize he is right...and remember how much I love Goonies and how the reason I have tried to like the show Fringe is because of the concept called "The Pattern", but really it is no Lost.

Simultaneously I chat with Jay...when this happens:
Jason

The problem with the Self-Cherishing "I" is that is only concerned with momentary happiness

It can't perceive beyond this one body it is attached to

The true self is the you who has been to every corner of the universe and BEYOND

After that life is not the same. You can still have the same life you had, but you will not worry about "becoming"

you will know that you already are everything

doesn't mean you become a bum

in fact you can become a hero of men

and god

s

Anyway, thats a lot of talk

3:56pmJenn

wow, so interesting that you said 'becoming'

3:57pmJason

why?

3:57pmJenn

I was thinking of a word to guide me this year, and the ones that came to me were either Become or Be...totally different connotations...

3:57pmJason

hhaha

BE

you already have "come" to "be"

3:57pmJenn

in a way, there is nothing i need to become, because i already am...i just need to let go and be

ye

3:57pmJason

Yes!

you got it

3:58pmJenn

i awlays wonder why that is so hard to do

3:58pmJason

I know. Me too

but there is a reason, and the reward is infinite

comparred to the little suffering it takes to realize that

I have a small e-piphany...haha

I decide not to make resolutions because my only resolve is to continue to "BE".