LIFE PATTERNS aka A Weird Post

I have a lot to say today... I am procrastinating...my arm hurts... Whatever...today has been karmically (not a word...who cares) interesting...thus I must share...I am still plagued by nightmares (and although this is supposed to be the 'happy place'--this is my world and I can break the rules)...but this has been most of my life and I just accept it...Angelo tells me I was talking in my sleep, which explains why I was struggling in my dream...I wonder what the connection is...Ange tells me I wake up every morning telling him my arm hurts, I have no recollection of this except for today...I get a flickr message about my cute owl:

domus_sport says:

Are you sure it's not ceramic/clay? It looks very much like this owl

www.tradera.com/Blinckande_uggla_av_Edvard_Li ndahl_-aukti...

by Edvard Lindahl for Gustavsberg. My grandmother has a pair of those, though with both eyes open. 

He is right. My owl simultaneously become more and less special.

I visit Ali  and wonder about the word for 2009 ...I realize I have kind of forgotten 2008's word...I think it was 'hope' (wasn't that  2007 when I got the tattoo) or something...either way, I blog to help me record random things like this...so I start to contemplate my word for the year...some visuals pop into my head, mostly cliches. I start to think about Dexter, and my current issues, and the word "Become" pops into my head, but I realize I cannot become what I am as much as just "Be"--I remember that is the tattoo I wanted to get on my wrist...perhaps that will be the next...

I chat with Adam, he tells me I have an affinity to things with one eye-- (all named by him)

Bones McCloud

Okie (his one-eyed Cat), and Winky (my owl seen above)...I realize he is right...and remember how much I love Goonies and how the reason I have tried to like the show Fringe is because of the concept called "The Pattern", but really it is no Lost.

Simultaneously I chat with Jay...when this happens:
Jason

The problem with the Self-Cherishing "I" is that is only concerned with momentary happiness

It can't perceive beyond this one body it is attached to

The true self is the you who has been to every corner of the universe and BEYOND

After that life is not the same. You can still have the same life you had, but you will not worry about "becoming"

you will know that you already are everything

doesn't mean you become a bum

in fact you can become a hero of men

and god

s

Anyway, thats a lot of talk

3:56pmJenn

wow, so interesting that you said 'becoming'

3:57pmJason

why?

3:57pmJenn

I was thinking of a word to guide me this year, and the ones that came to me were either Become or Be...totally different connotations...

3:57pmJason

hhaha

BE

you already have "come" to "be"

3:57pmJenn

in a way, there is nothing i need to become, because i already am...i just need to let go and be

ye

3:57pmJason

Yes!

you got it

3:58pmJenn

i awlays wonder why that is so hard to do

3:58pmJason

I know. Me too

but there is a reason, and the reward is infinite

comparred to the little suffering it takes to realize that

I have a small e-piphany...haha

I decide not to make resolutions because my only resolve is to continue to "BE".

I DREAM OF DEXTER...

Okay, I am doing it...going with what's been on my mind rather than what I think I should be doing or posting....my current OBSESSION (besides making paper toys ad-nausea and ad-'burning my fingers with the glue gun'...)

This gift probably benefitted me more than Angelo and has since become fodder for my obsessive mind. It is rare that a show follows me the way this one has. In recent time, only LOST has really had the ability to make the lens of my perception switch gears and pick up on patterns related to the show. Perhaps I think too much, or perhaps I am open to digesting other artist's messages. Some may disagree, but I see Dexter as a piece of art. I have only watched the first two seasons (in a crazy two day marathon...sickness), yet I was so moved by:

-the cinematography!! This is best exemplified in the opening sequence of each episode. I marvel over the bleached out colors mixed with poignant exaggerated hues, like being in a technicolor sandstorm. Then there are the 'punny' visual references between Dexter's daily routine and the actions of a killer. The close-ups are stunning, eerie, and intensified by...

-the music!! The themes run through my head day and night...a Cuban and Orchestral fusion that draws (almost literally) at your heart strings one instant and makes you want to deviously grin and swagger the next.

<>

-the characters! There are definitely corny moments, but these characters grow on you because they are somewhat ordinary, caricatures at times--which plays nicely off of the personality of Dexter, the boy-next-door serial killer...come on Dexter fans, didn't you  love Angel's 'Oprah' moments throughout season 2?

-the convergent plot lines-- mystery, murder, humor, love, the origin of a special breed of killer....may sound sick, but the thing I love the most about Dexter, (besides the acting chops of Michael C. Hall) is:

-WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE HUMAN-- the  driving question behind this show...the concept that has lured me into moments of squinting and contemplating...is it okay to feel like you relate to a serial killer being depicted on t.v.? (My opinion is, no, this is not a problem..but I am certain that there must be people that would detest the show because they wouldn't be able to handle that...how could you, gasp, actually like a person who is a 'killer'.) This show makes the viewer deal with many complicated feelings about identity, the affect of one's past, the way people handle relationships, the psychology of a 'human'.

THE POINT OF THIS...besides my obsession with a show that keeps me guessing, laughing, and thinking...what has struck me most about Dexter is the character's struggles with his inner desires and humanity. He often claims he isn't human (which I did as a kid) in order to help him explain not only his actions, but his detachment and general emptiness. It is in this that Dexter's humanity is revealed...in many ways the character is an exaggerated archetype for all of the outcasts in society who aren't really evil as much as in touch with their darkness, or perhaps the primal part of their humanity that is really just another animal species--or maybe just those of us who don't fully understand status quo or weren't nurtured properly as kids....who knows, that's for Freud to figure out...LOL. Now, I am not glorifying a fictional murderer as much as the writers of the show who have made me look closer at my own humanity and the forces that drive me in life, the battles I have inside, and the intricate layers of the human psyche. I look forward to watching the way Dexter handles his own psychology and the relationships around him, the discovery of those universal human ties that so many people choose to avoid, and some great eye-candy to distract me from other work I should be doing!! HAHA!!

P.S. If you read this and have seen Season 3, don't tell me anything yet!!

P.P.S. I love the art-deco style evident in the show's design and must admit to Michael C. Hall's eerie sexiness....

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM: Oh, and interesting that Hall (who lost his father and an infant sister) has played David from "Six Feet Under' a man dealing with internal demons, surrounded by (and responsible for the preparation of) death, and who lost his father, now plays Dexter, a man dealing with internal demons, surrounded by (and responsible for) death, and who lost his father! Random factoids...

Happy New Year to you and your dark passengers...just remember who is driving!!