On the 8th Day she fainted again...

8/365: Hypotensive Hope

This Tuesday I fainted at my brother's shop. On Wednesday I had a biopsy. This Friday I fainted outside of school. Told my boss. Sent to medical office where a flux of students streamed in two by two feeling ill or allowing rumors of swine flu to permeate their nerves enough to demand going home. 30 students sent home for flu-like symptoms. Over 500 more either leave or stayed home to begin with. I am forced to go to ER-- find an urgicenter instead. My sugar levels are perfect. Need more salt perhaps. May be hypotensive-- meaning low blood-pressure, or as I like to see it, mercurial spikes. EKG says heart is solid. It is taking me awhile to feel myself again-- but I still feel good. No matter what. In my heart, what the EKG can't read, is that I won't allow myself not to be happy deep down inside. As my wrist states, I keep hope with me-- through exaggerated epidemics and personal pitfalls. 

9/365: Finding my center...

Hoping to manifest my dreams and let all of this pass...

BEAUTIFUL DISASTERS

This past week has been a clumsy one for me...blame it on Mercury in retrograde or on living in a partial fog, but my foibles led me to wipe-out and (gasp) thus breaking my camera. Luckily no parts of me were broken, but a sliver of my heart cried a bit inside.  Just as I was really becoming much more motivated in my photography....CRASH! Well, just because I was without camera doesn't mean there isn't plenty of beauty to be shared!! So, I decided to buy my same camera again for a good price (please pray it comes in good shape!) and will then continue my photographic voyage. In the mean time I have seen a great film, a moving photography exhibit, eaten some awesome food,  made an up-cycled journal with Jay , and started The Scribble Project ! Going to share more soon!! Loving life even despite a literal pain in the behind and general body and soul aches.

KARMIC UPDATE: a wise owl once told me...

...to keep on truckin'...and I am. I don't know of any alternates. Despite my dream of blogging and crafting all day, in reality I am too busy to focus on  what makes me truly happy...but I still have obsessions...and the latest is EMBROIDERY and hand sewing altogether! I run advise a new club cutely named "Sew Fierce" and realized tat most of the members need serious teaching, thus I had to teach myself and master some stitches if I was going to share! All I can say is bless the internet, particularly YOUTUBE for providing me with a free intensive sewing course! I am so super inspired, partially because creation is my therapy, and really, I need some in my life right now. Luckily, simple things like my little owlie make me feel warm and fuzzy inside...he took forever and was done entirely free-and based on this guy .

Next up is a surprise project that if all goes to plan will be my first blog giveaway!! I am also hoping to make a cute scotty dog plush for my step-mom's birthday (I am practicing embroidering hand drawn letters!) and make some stuff from my awesome Aranzi Cute Stuff book  and then take over the world!!! 
I am awaiting a package of floss I won off of e-bay and my other craft obsession I'll share another time. PLUS, I keep listening to this album, WOW...they may get their own post....must find a show!! (It's been since November, I am going trough live music withdrawal!!!)

(BTW: I spilled coffee and my laptop, watched my life flash before my eyes, cleaned it up and the letter 'h' doesn't work....so I am pasting a random 'h' in the proper places! grrr...it never ends!)

Stick around blog friends, I'm not going to let upside-down cake life stop me from becoming....and I am thinking of getting another tattoo...but where on the body is my question...

THE SPACE BETWEEN...

DATE of INITIAL CRIME: JANUARY 3, 2009

SUSPECTS: THE USUAL

VICTIMS: BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS/ OUR ENTIRE APARTMENT/ MY MIND

DESCRIPTION OF CRIME:  The reason I haven't really blogged is not quite a mystery to me this time. I know the real culprit-- life has pushed me inside my head from being overwhelmed with forces way beyond my control. The first crime can be seen from the following evidence:

Inside of the studio a la Dexter!

I wanted to be part of kootoyoo's MEME, but as you can see, very little creativity is happening in this space.

Instead, despite having everything covered in plastic, our apartment has been covered in dust...all so our beautiful old windows can be replaced with new (and character-less) windows....it's been sad around here...though there has been plenty of inspiration and probably way more to share than I have had the time to...(I completed my first week back at work after the shoulder dislocation...phew...)...and I have managed to at least do a bunch of doodles, color in a wood skull, and master five embroidery stitches...life is so chaotic right now and I am praying for some serenity! The major issue I have with being a renter is feeling like I have no control...no say in what gets changed...granted the windows were old and many of them damaged, and certainly not energy efficient, I am mourning their character and history. There is also the anxiety of getting back to normal life (whatever that may mean) when everything is completely engulfed by dust...my (and many of my blog friends') worst enemy...

At least there are moments like this:

sunset from out old window...

Like so many things, this was way better in person...

----to finding moments of beauty in the midst of total chaos....

LIFE PATTERNS aka A Weird Post

I have a lot to say today... I am procrastinating...my arm hurts... Whatever...today has been karmically (not a word...who cares) interesting...thus I must share...I am still plagued by nightmares (and although this is supposed to be the 'happy place'--this is my world and I can break the rules)...but this has been most of my life and I just accept it...Angelo tells me I was talking in my sleep, which explains why I was struggling in my dream...I wonder what the connection is...Ange tells me I wake up every morning telling him my arm hurts, I have no recollection of this except for today...I get a flickr message about my cute owl:

domus_sport says:

Are you sure it's not ceramic/clay? It looks very much like this owl

www.tradera.com/Blinckande_uggla_av_Edvard_Li ndahl_-aukti...

by Edvard Lindahl for Gustavsberg. My grandmother has a pair of those, though with both eyes open. 

He is right. My owl simultaneously become more and less special.

I visit Ali  and wonder about the word for 2009 ...I realize I have kind of forgotten 2008's word...I think it was 'hope' (wasn't that  2007 when I got the tattoo) or something...either way, I blog to help me record random things like this...so I start to contemplate my word for the year...some visuals pop into my head, mostly cliches. I start to think about Dexter, and my current issues, and the word "Become" pops into my head, but I realize I cannot become what I am as much as just "Be"--I remember that is the tattoo I wanted to get on my wrist...perhaps that will be the next...

I chat with Adam, he tells me I have an affinity to things with one eye-- (all named by him)

Bones McCloud

Okie (his one-eyed Cat), and Winky (my owl seen above)...I realize he is right...and remember how much I love Goonies and how the reason I have tried to like the show Fringe is because of the concept called "The Pattern", but really it is no Lost.

Simultaneously I chat with Jay...when this happens:
Jason

The problem with the Self-Cherishing "I" is that is only concerned with momentary happiness

It can't perceive beyond this one body it is attached to

The true self is the you who has been to every corner of the universe and BEYOND

After that life is not the same. You can still have the same life you had, but you will not worry about "becoming"

you will know that you already are everything

doesn't mean you become a bum

in fact you can become a hero of men

and god

s

Anyway, thats a lot of talk

3:56pmJenn

wow, so interesting that you said 'becoming'

3:57pmJason

why?

3:57pmJenn

I was thinking of a word to guide me this year, and the ones that came to me were either Become or Be...totally different connotations...

3:57pmJason

hhaha

BE

you already have "come" to "be"

3:57pmJenn

in a way, there is nothing i need to become, because i already am...i just need to let go and be

ye

3:57pmJason

Yes!

you got it

3:58pmJenn

i awlays wonder why that is so hard to do

3:58pmJason

I know. Me too

but there is a reason, and the reward is infinite

comparred to the little suffering it takes to realize that

I have a small e-piphany...haha

I decide not to make resolutions because my only resolve is to continue to "BE".